


soulmate, dry your eyes

by renaissance



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Training Camp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-17
Updated: 2015-02-17
Packaged: 2018-03-13 10:53:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3378884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renaissance/pseuds/renaissance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone’s growing faster than Tadashi, and he feels like if he moves too slowly he’ll get left behind.</p>
<p>Tsukki isn’t coping well either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	soulmate, dry your eyes

**Author's Note:**

> For Day 17 of Tsukkiyama Fest! I knew I wouldn't be able to do something for every day due to time constraints, so I worked on the one day that fit with an idea I've had floating around for a while. The Soulmate AU really is a fandom staple, as is the training camp fic, so I hope I've been able to do them justice! Enjoy!
> 
> (Also, this uses up my monthly quota of song lyric titles; from Placebo's "Sleeping With Ghosts," which has totally unsuitable lyrics except for this one line, haha.)
> 
> (Full credit to [the Casanova translation of chapters 87 and 88](http://bato.to/read/_/208653/haikyuu_ch87_by_casanova/2), from which I've used some dialogue verbatim.)

They say the words can appear anywhere between a year and a day before you meet your soulmate. Most people comfortably meet their soulmate between the ages of sixteen and twenty-five, although it’s not unheard of for things to go wrong, things like people with really generic words, so that every person who says “hello” could be their soulmate, or people who finally hear their words and give their fated response, only to find out that their soulmate has someone else’s words on their body. That sort of thing is rare, though. For most people, the system goes smoothly and everything works itself out.

Tadashi knows all this because he has grown up surrounded by stories of soulmates. From the moment his parents refused to indulge his curiosity about their strange tattoos, Tadashi spent every spare moment learning about them for himself. He’s read every soulmate manga in his library and every helpful pamphlet at the school counsellor’s office. Tadashi is an _expert_.

But more than that—he’s ten years old and he’s had a word tattooed on his forearm for the last three years, eight months, and fifteen days.

_Something_ has gone wrong.

Tadashi’s tattoo is only one word. His father has a paragraph on his thigh, and a lot of exclamation marks. His mother has a half-formed apology on the back of her hand. Tadashi has a lot of questions about what his word could mean, and his parents won’t answer any of them.

Slowly, he begins to understand. It’s in the way the other kids look at him out of the edges of their vision, the way they whisper behind their hands, the way they stop talking and laugh when he walks into the classroom. He knows what they’re thinking, and he worries that maybe the reason he hasn’t met his soulmate is because what his tattoo says is true, even after so long, even with the long-sleeved shirts he always wears hiding it from view.

He’s ten years old, running across the playground at full tilt, but the boys in his class catch up to him. They shove him down, and one by one, force their backpacks onto him.

“You’re on backpack duty!” one of the boys says.

He sounds so cheerful, and it makes Tadashi feel ill. He wants to says that there’s no such thing as backpack duty, but all that comes out when he opens his mouth is a weak sob. There are tears pooling in the corners of his eyes and snot dripping from his nose.

They’re pointing and laughing at him one second and silent the next. Tadashi wipes his eyes and looks up—there’s a boy standing there, cool and aloof and taller than any primary schooler. He’s got light hair and the sun’s shining from behind him, giving him a sort of glow and casting a shadow beneath his glasses like a manga villain.

He doesn’t say anything, and that unsettles the bullies.

“Hey, isn’t that a sixth grader?” one of them whispers.

“As if!” another says, a bit louder. “He’s that guy in class three!”

There’s a pause, and then the tall boy from class three breaks into a grin.

“ _Pathetic_.”

Tadashi’s world turns on its head. His right arm grips his left forearm, covering the word printed there, and his eyes go wide. He tries to find some words to say as one of the bullies confronts the tall boy, knowing that the next thing he says to this boy is already predestined, that no matter what he chooses, fate will have accounted for it, and the very notion makes his head spin.

And before he knows it, the tall boy with the glasses is gone. The bullies grab their backpacks from Tadashi and scatter.

Tadashi doesn’t even care who sees him—he’s waited three years, eight months, and fifteen days for this moment—he lies on his back, and he cries.

 

* * *

 

Tadashi thinks that if he has to run up that hill one more time, or do another lap of flying falls, he’s going to quit and go live under a rock on a mountain. He thinks everyone could learn something from Yachi’s knack for visualising the worst possible outcome, and that he should just quit while he’s ahead and isolate himself from a world of troubles.

It’s not that training camp isn’t rewarding—because it is, of _course_ it is—it’s just that everyone’s growing faster than Tadashi, and he feels like if he moves too slowly he’ll get left behind.

Tsukki isn’t coping well either.

“It’s been a long day, huh?” Tadashi asks, closing his water bottle and casting a glance sideways at Tsukki.

“Hm,” Tsukki says, not looking up.

“I’m going to work on my serves with Nishinoya-san,” Tadashi continues. “Do you want to come?”

Tsukki shakes his head and disappears for the evening.

Tadashi sighs. He’s not going to let it get to him. He finds Nishinoya on the other side of the gym, already bouncing with the sort of energy that Tadashi will never match. Nishinoya throws him the volleyball he’s been holding, and Tadashi catches it, only fumbling a little bit.

“Hey, Nishinoya-san—”

“Ready to go, Yamaguchi?”

“Um,” Tadashi says. “Can I talk to you about something?”

As they got on the bus to Tokyo, Kinoshita found words on his wrist that hadn’t been there before. Everyone had yelled and started hypothesising about who Kinoshita would meet, who would be his life-changing soulmate, what words he’d say to change his destiny, how romantic it all was… and all that Tadashi could do was sit there and pull his sleeve lower down his arm, even though it’s more than long enough to cover his tattoo.

“What’s it like being a soulmate?” he asks.

Nishinoya puts a finger on his lips. “That’s interesting,” he says.

“Why?” Tadashi asks. He’s not sure he wants to know the answer.

“Most people would ask what it’s like to _have_ a soulmate, not to _be_ one,” Nishinoya says. “Why do you ask?”

“I already know what it’s like to have a soulmate,” Tadashi says quietly. He’s never told anyone before. “I’m just… not sure that it goes both ways.”

“Oh!” Nishinoya says. “I saw a movie like that once. Someone had words that couldn’t have been said by anyone else, but the other person didn’t have any words at all. I didn’t know that actually happened.”

Tadashi doesn’t reply, just looks at his feet. He feels silly to even have thought in the first place that Nishinoya would be able to help him understand.

“You said you weren’t sure, though, right?” Nishinoya asks. “So maybe you _are_ your soulmate’s soulmate, and they just haven’t told you.”

“I’ve thought about that possibility,” Tadashi says. “But I don’t know.”

Nishinoya grins. He’s always so upbeat, and Tadashi envies that. “Don’t dwell on it!” he says. “You wanna work on your serves, or join the others?”

“Let’s join the others,” Tadashi says.

Living under a rock on a mountain is still a serious possibility.

 

* * *

 

Tsukki is still brushing his teeth. He has been brushing his teeth for the last five minutes, and somehow he hasn’t finished yet. Tadashi glances sideways as he puts his toothbrush back in his toiletries bag, wondering if the next stroke of Tsukki’s toothbrush will be the last.

It isn’t. Tsukki keeps brushing his teeth.

Something’s changed, ever since Tsukki spent that time blocking with Fukurodani and Nekoma’s captains. Tsukki had complained about them, and Tadashi had listened patiently, like he always does. He wishes he could do more than just listen—offer some advice, maybe. Tell him it would be okay. Whatever _soulmates_ are supposed to do.

“Tsukki… are you coming?”

There’s a pause. Tsukki stops brushing his teeth, and the abrupt silence makes Tadashi stagger a bit. Tsukki puts the toothbrush down and washes his mouth out.

Tadashi zips his bag closed.

“What’s the point?” Tsukki says.

“Tsukki?”

“Why do you try so hard?”

Tadashi looks down at the sink. Tsukki’s been thinking like this lately, and Tadashi is worried that he can’t do anything to change that. He’s worried that the word on his arm— _pathetic_ —means nothing, that it’s more curse than blessing, more burden than destiny.

“I don’t want to be left behind,” Tadashi says.

Reflexively, he wraps his right hand around his left arm. Tsukki doesn’t miss the movement, and Tadashi can feel Tsukki’s laser-guided gaze tearing through his boundaries.

“You’re not,” Tsukki says.

“I might be,” Tadashi says. He knows that opening his mouth is a risk, that if he starts telling Tsukki he’ll tell him _everything_ —how he’s constantly seconds away from breaking under the pressure of being the weakest first year, how he feels so insubstantial whenever he’s around other people because everyone is so unique and he’s just Tadashi, how he compares himself to standards he knows he’ll never reach because having a goal lets him believe that everything he does isn’t pointless after all.

But, at the core of it, he’ll be left behind. He knows that.

“You—you’re so strong, and so are Hinata and Kageyama, and I—I’ll be left behind—”

“Shut up,” Tsukki says, “that’s not what I meant.”

Tadashi lets out a breath. “Then what—”

Tsukki reaches out and touches the back of his hand to Tadashi’s left forearm. He doesn’t need to say what he’s thinking, because Tadashi just _knows_ , and maybe _that’s_ what being a soulmate feels like.

_I’m not pathetic_ , Tadashi reminds himself. That’s when it dawns on him. He remembers the conversation he had with Hinata earlier, and the unease at the back of his mind.

_What would you say to him?_

Tadashi knows what to say. But when he looks up from the sink, Tsukki is gone, toothbrush and all.

“Oh,” Tadashi says to himself in the mirror.

He waits five seconds, and then, abandoning his bag, he runs.

“ _TSUKKI_!”

Once he’s caught up with Tsukki, Tadashi stops to catch his breath. Mercifully, Tsukki waits for him.

“Since we were kids,” Tadashi says, “you’ve dealt with everything in such a smart, cool way, that it always left me jealous.”

Tsukki narrows his eyes at Tadashi, a look he usually reserves for people he doesn’t understand. “What’s your point?”

Tadashi takes a deep breath.

“The way you’ve been lately is really pathetic!”

 

* * *

 

 

On the last day of training camp, Tadashi waits for the room to empty out before he gets changed. He clenches his fists into the light, long-sleeved shirt he usually wears under his t-shirts. He almost tears the fabric apart.

Before he can think too much about it, he shoves the shirt back into his bag and pulls on his white Karasuno t-shirt.

“I’m going to go to practice like this,” Tadashi informs the empty room.

The feeling in the air has changed. Tadashi doesn’t feel like he has to hide his tattoo anymore, because now he’s _certain_ : Tsukki is his soulmate. He doesn’t need to see some stupid tattoo to know that. He doesn’t know why he ever needed to.

At first, nobody says anything. Nishinoya is the first to notice, but he just smiles like he’s known all along, which he _hasn’t_ , but Tadashi wouldn’t put it past him to pretend.

Slowly, Tadashi feels the tension drain from his body. At their morning tea break, Sugawara pulls him aside and asks him if he’s okay—the answer is an emphatic _yes_ —and then Kinoshita sits down next to him and they talk for ten minutes about their respective words.

“It’s weird,” Kinoshita says. “I still don’t know who I’m supposed to be meeting, but I suppose that makes it exciting… ?”

“I had mine for three years before I met my soulmate,” Tadashi says. Three years, eight months, and fifteen days.

“That’s not usual, though, right?” Kinoshita asks, a little nervously.

“Not at all,” Tadashi says proudly.

Narita and Ennoshita come to join them, and Ennoshita is nothing if not eager to question.

“Soulmate movies are huge at the box office,” he says. “I’ll have to make one one day, so I need to start doing my research now.”

“Leave them alone,” Narita says, nudging Ennoshita. “It’s usually a _private_ thing.”

“Right!” Kinoshita agrees.

“I don’t mind telling you,” Tadashi says, “but maybe it’d be better for you to wait until you get your own words… ?”

Ennoshita shakes his head. “No time to waste.”

They sit there until Sawamura yells at them for lingering.

It’s only then that Tadashi risks looking at Tsukki, who’s been weird and withdrawn all day. He’s got his hands clasped in front of him as he heads back to the gym, and Hinata’s pestering him about something. Tadashi thinks he ought to at least try to diffuse the situation.

“I’ll tell you the full story later,” he says to Ennoshita, and leaves to the tune of Narita chastising Ennoshita for being so nosy.

“I still don’t get it!” is what Hinata is saying to Tsukki when Tadashi catches up to them. He could be talking about anything.

“There’s nothing to get,” Tsukki says snippily.

“Hey, Tsukki,” Tadashi says, “what’s going o—”

“Yamaguchi!” Hinata yells, cutting him off. “What’s that on your arm?”

Tadashi freezes. “Um.”

“Idiot,” Tsukki says, “it’s a soulmate tattoo.”

Hinata’s eyes go wide. “Whoa! When did you get it? Just now? What does it say, Yamaguchi?”

Tadashi snakes his fingers around his arm, covering the tattoo.

“Um, I’ve actually had it for almost nine years,” he says, and he doesn’t miss how Tsukki reacts to that. They’ve never talked about it, and Tadashi would never have had a reason to mention that he’s the exception to the rule.

“Wow,” Hinata says.

“And, um,” Tadashi begins, loosening his grip on his arm, “it means _strength_.”

Practice has never felt so good, as Yamaguchi works on his receives while the starting team play against Fukurodani. When the ball hits his arms and pain shoots through his bare skin, he smiles wider than he ever has in his life.

And afterwards, when they’re sitting down to change, Tsukki pulls Tadashi aside.

“Almost nine years, huh,” he says.

“Yeah,” Tadashi says. “Sorry I didn’t tell you, Tsukki.”

“You don’t need to apologise when I didn’t say anything either,” Tsukki says, so quickly and quietly that Tadashi wouldn’t have understood if he wasn’t so attuned to Tsukki’s voice.

They sit down against the wall, and Tsukki pulls his shoes off, and then his socks—and, on the inner side of Tsukki’s right foot, are the words “Thank you for the other day!”

Tadashi stares.

“Almost nine years,” Tsukki says, “same as you. I didn’t think it meant anything.”

“Nothing has to change,” Tadashi says. “I mean—even if this wasn’t there, we’ve always been soulmates, right, Tsukki?”

Tsukki hums to himself, putting on his spare pair of socks. “Things can change, if we want them to.”

It’s only on the bus home that Tadashi discovers that the entire team saw him lean over and kiss Tsukki right on the lips.

 

* * *

 

Since he found out who his soulmate is, Tadashi has become more alert. He walks past class three, but never goes in, because he still hasn’t decided what to say. He makes a list of possible greetings—“Hello, I’m Tadashi,” is the first to go, because if that was tattooed on his soulmate’s body, surely he would have sought Tadashi out by now? He also decides against “I think you’re my soulmate,”—too obvious—and “Do I know you from somewhere?”—not obvious enough.

The one thing he knows for certain is that he can't meet his soulmate until he’s become a better person. If his soulmate remembers him at all, he’ll remember him as _pathetic_ , and Tadashi thinks it might be nice to be able to say, “Not anymore.”

So he quits the chess club and starts looking into sports. Volleyball is the least scary, and he finds out when the try-outs are and spends the rest of the week psyching himself up by going to the library and reading volleyball magazines instead of soulmate manga.

The day of the try-outs comes before Tadashi is ready. As he approaches the gymnasium, he can hear the sounds of a game in progress. He’s bouncing with excitement as he inches open the door, but when he sees his soulmate standing there, he almost turns and runs.

“Hello,” his soulmate says. He hasn’t turned around, but Tadashi’s certain he saw him—how else would he know to say hello?—and more importantly, that he _recognised_ him.

“Thank you for the other day!” Tadashi blurts, his mouth running ahead of his mind.

His soulmate turns around sharply, eyes narrowed behind his glasses. There’s something in his expression that Tadashi recognises from every soulmate reveal scene in every manga he’s read, but it passes, and the expression settles into a scowl.

“Have we met before?” he asks.

Tadashi’s heart falls to the floor. Could it be possible that this boy wasn’t his soulmate?

“The other day—” Tadashi begins, but cuts off when he sees the other boy eyeing his left forearm. In his haste, he’d forgotten that his sleeve was rolled up. His mother drives him to school, and she doesn’t like it when he hides his tattoo.

“I’m just here to play volleyball,” the boy says. “I don’t want to talk about anything else.”

“Okay,” Tadashi says, rolling down his sleeves. “Um, you have really cool shoes!”

That’s how it begins.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought! I'm always ready and willing to talk about TsukkiYama, here or on my [tumblr](http://memordes.tumblr.com).
> 
> (P.s. shout-out to Gabe, whose writing inspired me to put in a scene with Noya!)


End file.
